I work in an office, much like a vast majority of the first world human race. We sit on our backsides for most of the day raising the risk of an early death and we enjoy the odd sugary doughnut or five when it’s someone’s birthday.  It always amazes me that we never speak to them, we don’t know anything about them but we’ll happily eat their deep fried death rings sprinkled with hundreds and thousands. Mmmmm.

And what’s good with these life sapping doughnuts? Coffee! I’m very lucky in that where I work in that we’re supplied with free tea and coffee. I suppose you could call it coffee though.  It smells like coffee, it looks like coffee and the packaging is gold and brown with a person of ethnic persuasion carrying a large white sack of coffee beans with a pearly white smile plastered all over the front of it. I think they call that ‘Fair Trade’.

Other than attempting to drink it I suspect it’ll also come in handy should the supply of petrol from the continent get cut off and we need to find other means to fuel our war machines of terror.

Anyway, there’s been a shift in coffee policy recently with new people joining the company.  Like me they suspect the free coffee is probably laced with mind controlling substances forcing you to ‘enjoy’ the ‘benefits’ the ‘company’ lays on without question. Like Christmas do’s and the obligatory team day out.

So with an attempt to avoid this mass brainwashing we’ve started bringing our own coffee in. I see people with their own percolators, grinders and French pressers and I’m thinking that’s a little bit too much work for me. I’m a fan of the simple things in life and you’re going to have a hard time convincing me that if I can’t rip the top off of it like Smash or soup then I’m probably going to give it a wide berth.

I’m down with the Nescafe instant stuff at the moment. I can recommend the cappuccino but I was slightly disappointed that it doesn’t come with small sachet of chocolate. I’m pretty sure there used to be one – or maybe I dreamt that whilst in a cloudy stupor of company induced coffee mind control. Also a good choice would be the full fat Latte, which is what I’m on at the moment.

I’m also enjoying supping my artificially enhanced coffee experience whilst listening to the scoffs of my work colleagues as they attempt to enjoy the engine oil thickness of their coffee whilst their brain stems finally wheeze into submission as they accept the calendar invite for the next ‘fun filled team building day out’ in Minehead.